was talking to lao gong today
and she mentioned momo's name.
i was surprised that i didnt felt a thing.
no more pangs of sadness,misery,sorrow or anguish.
not even a flinch of hope,no embarassment.

i got over him.
i THOUGHT i got over him.
and im very sure i did.

today went by and i didnt look back.
i totally forgot that i even liked him.
i was having a great time at my grandmother's house.
i didnt hear my handphone ringing.

i was on my way back home.
when i finally saw the sms.
momo.
he got something to tell me.

i felt everything rush back to my body.
fear.sadness.anguish.
why did he bother to sms me again?
i wished i hadent hoped.

the journey back home was a pain.
i was waiting for the truth.
the real truth.
i was clenching my moblie.
i felt it again.
that hole.
it havent heal.
old wounds are opening up.
tell me;hurry.

once i stepped into my house,
i tried not to think abt it.
i changed,i showered,i went to bed.
i checked my handphone again.

the message was lying there,waiting for me to discover.
'..the answer is no.sorry man.'
'i think a friend would be more suitable for me.'

i felt my insides die.
didnt i get over him long ago?
this shouldnt be painful.
it would be better this way.i told myself.
its beating.
its hitting my ribs so hard that i feel like pulling it out.
i hung my head.
why am i pinning so much hope for this guy?
why?
i dont even know it myself.
perplexed.
why?

am i not good enough?
too straight-forward?
too petty?
too weird?
too selfish?

i understand that it took u alot of courage to reply.
u took a week to think abt it.
i accept.unwillingly.
if it makes u happy,im glad.
i cant force anythihng out of u.

my head hurts.
i was complaining abt love ytd for my dear friend
and was helping her to make her stand.
and yet i couldnt stand up for myself?
pathetic fool.
what on earth am i doing?
why am i acting like this?
i thought it was over?
i realised.
i couldnt get over u.
why cant i?
screw it.
please get out of my head.

i continued to smile.
for everybody's sake.
i dont want to complain or whine abt anything.
its your decision and i respect it.
im a fool for hoping.

its over.
everything.
im jus typing out how i feel.
or it'll burst inside me.
i want to scream out :'why?'
its a mess inside of me.
im clearing it out.

im sorry too.

it must be hard these past few days.

all i wanted is to hold u tight one last time.
trust me.i will cry.
the last time i'll be anguish..
the last time i'll be sorrowful..
the last time i'll be hopeful..
the last time i will cry for u.
my hopes are dashed.

im going on a different route.
its goodbye for love.

the last time i'll remember you.