what's wrong?

oh, i'm just tired, that's all.

Tired of not being good enough, tired of trying and not getting credit for it, tired of getting put down, tired of people talking behind my back, judging me and calling me names, tired of backstabbers, tired of crying, insecurities, tired of being unconfident, tired of being tired.

just tired, that's all.
what PMS does to me this time;

jealous jealous jealousy.
burning madly green.

more purple than green.

you're suppose to look at me
me me me.

only me.

omg; jealous much?
disgusting.

i hate this side of me.

is that why i'm making it easier for you to swim across?
god no.

no more.
hi anon, thank you.
but i'm not perfect.

everyone have flaws.
and we strive to improve-

to learn, grow, to outshine;
so that our 'flaws' are covered.

but it's precisely my flaws that made me who i am today;
so the 'perfect' you saw is my blood and sweat to become who i am today.

so rather that 'perfect',
say, 'you're beautiful. don't ever give up trying- i like that side of you'.

and,
if you wanted me to go out with you;

just ask.
i don't bite. you know?
just want to dance the night away;
forgetting and uncaring about reality.

while dancing;
i want to be swept away,

be twirled around and lifted off my feet;
dipped low and back up again.

ending off with arms around my waist,
i'd like to rest my head on your collarbone;

close my eyes,
and forever feel that i'd be whisked away.


"i'm sure nobody would hate the person they once loved"

"i won't lie, i can't do it anymore"

i wanted to shout 'NO', and hug your trembling shoulders;
but i have to resist adamantly.

i no longer have the right to; because it would be kindness to set myself at peace.
which is a selfish thing to do.

but it doesn't matter to you anymore.

so i'm free.

but how can i be relieved? how can i accept this?
you weren't angry, you didn't shout, you didn't blame me, you even accepted me back.

cause you deserved better;
so i have to force you to let me go.

i'm the one who does not deserve your love for me.

so once again, selfishly, thank you keith, i love you, goodbye.


green monster, please go away
don't even come again another day.

gnawing my heart to pieces
frustrated, wanting and angry;

nothing you can see,
nothing you can do.

only a tightly thinned smile
& hoping it'll go away.

don't give in to temptation;
don't play again.

i know what you can do.
the enemy is yourself;

not her.



everything is over.
finished. done.

FUCK YEAH IT'S OVER BITCHES.

ended knowing whatever happened doesn't matter to him anymore.
i am nobody; i am insignificant.
gone.

which means i can let go of everything i'm holding on.
and what's his becomes ordinary

though, the pictures i will keep;
for memory sake-

how i've grown and learnt throughout those years.
let it be a lesson for my future kids.
i want to know who mummy was when she's young.

though i'll still get jealous here and there,
i'll lift my head high and say;
bitch please. i'm so much better than that bitch over there.

and you know it.
i need to stop listening to what the world thinks and act for myself.
i'm torn.

very, very torn.
what should i do?

i'm afraid.
very very scared.

on the edge,
verge of tears.

who would hold me now?


i'm scared.
what should i do?

don't push me away.
damn you.
you seem free;

can't help being a little jealous.

regardless,

i'm happy for you.

now,

i can focus on how to be truly happy myself.

it's a little late;

but i want you to know how proud i am when i first saw you in your uniform.
regardless whether you're a driver or an officer,
you're a soldier, a man, a part of the country; a protector.

every single time i see a man in uniform,
i 'swell up' thinking of you.
you've grown up, you endured hardship, you're a man.

i can't say how much handsome you look in your uniform.
i was brimming with pride when i was with you.

my boy is in the army.

i wanted to tell the world,
look, my boy is in the army.
i'm so proud of him.

i wished i could have sent you off to camp,
or went to see you when you came booked out.

i would have loved seeing you tired from enduring a day training,
your sweat and effort,
knowing you're doing it for your people,
i would have loved you for it.

even if it's too late,
regardless of what others think or say,
i'm proud of you.

so stand tall. you're serving your people.

i miss you smiling.
it's my fault i caused you sadness and pain.

finally i see you smile,
that's all that matters to me.






you're gone.

i think it's for the best.

though, it hurts a little.

i really, really hope this will pass.
bits and pieces of you still linger;

as long as there's no news,
i think i won't cry.

i wish you all the best, you deserved so much better.

i love you, goodbye.