well,i'm sorry if i can't read your mind.
it's not my proficiency.

if you don't tell me anything,
i wouldn't know.

i hate it.i hate i how you can make me feel so happy & then sad so easily.
i'm like a puppet;
you seem to be able to pull & tug my (heart)strings-
read my mind & movements; control my emotions.

i hate myself for being such a sensitive, touchy lil' girl.
& i can even cry at the slightest things.
it's not like i can help it-

i'm trying,
trying to put my heart back to rock.
to prevent it from being to soft;
to avoid being affected & influenced so surely.

i am just a lil', childish little girl afterall.
i look and act so seemingly mature in front of many,
but succumb to my weakest side when you're around.

it's okkay, i know.
but i hate it.
i hate how fragile i become.
i lack & loose the firmness and control of myself.

why sensitive?
cause i care too much of how people feel;
no matter how much it'll hurt or kill me,
i'd never want to see anyone around me hurt because of me.

& why do i keep them to myself?
cause i don't want you all to worry.
i don't want you to get sad seeing me sad.
i'd act all smilely and happy to hide the pain.

just to see you fine.

but i'm able to be me again,
when it's all out.
i'd feel too exhausted to think of anything else.
& all ends when i sleep it off, & wake for a new day.

you make me crazy;
you make me loose myself.
i knew from the beginning my weaknesses will be exposed.
it might get broken & torn apart someday, i know it.

but i'm still taking this risk to be with you.

xox;♥ace
i was by myself again today-
walking lone on the streets;

hair down; wearing big tees & shorts.
i missed my sounds of people.

i stopped by the traffic light.
& i waited for the green man to light.

closing in;
i watched the glass panels outside a restaurant.

i saw a girl.
i felt like embracing her-

she had a round face,
just very slightly pudgy from over-eating.
her glossy hair hung loosely by her neck,
down to her breasts;
straight, but curling at all different places,
like squrming, having a life of its own.

it was dark brown;
her hair, her eyes.
it was dark and intense.
nobody could tell,
but i saw tolerance, tiredness, pain.

her nose is like a button,
right smack in the middle.
her eyebrows, weary.
she had full,pink lips.
slightly parted, curled upwards.

but that's not what changed how i felt.
no,not her mysteriousness, not her secrecy.
it was her everything.

the girl is now a woman.
a lady, supple, ready for the world.

she stood tall, broad, distinct shoulders.
waist curved a lil' inwards,
buttocks perky & firm.
long, tanned slender legs.
she's beginning to look like an adult.

as the girl held her head high;
she seems like she has lost a great deal of innocence.
she misses her old self,
when she had no worries, nothing much to think about.
but there's nothing she could do,
but to move forward.

the girl looked at me;
& i stared back.
are you ready?

i blinked.
she was gone;
the green man flashed,
& i begin crossing the road.

xox;♥ace
P.S: 18 years in a row ;p
it's been long xD
but well.

now i know;
how it feels to be in ecstasy,
how it feels so consumed by feelings,
how it feels like you're in cloud nine.

you cant seem to breathe,
your heart is pumping so much,
there's far too much blood in your brain;
& hence you feel so light-headed & giddy.

pumping beating pounding heart.
sure,it hurts when it's against your chest.
but this time, it's because of strong agitation of the feelings actuated by experiencing joy.

its a physiological change,
an increased heartbeat & respiration this time.
and often overt manifestation of acute,bizarre gasping sounds(?)

& after all that;
your face is ever so flustered,
your cheeks glows unusually hot,
& you feel warm all over,like the radiating sun.

heart still throbbing,
you try standing up to compose yourself.
but you feel so weak & vertiginous.
feelings so strong yet feeling so vulnerable.

your knees start to buckle;
& yes, you start to wobble.
in states of vertigo,
your legs turns jelly & you fall with a light tug.

he pulls you close & teases you pompously.
you cant do & wont do anything;
but to sigh & flush hot pink.

as he slowly sucks your energy from your neck;
like a vampire.
you felt flowers blooming;
& butterflies fluttering in your tummy.

& when it's time to go,
you left unwillingly,
you realise you are marked his,
& left your stolen heart with him;
hopefully,safe & sound.

xox;♥ace