it's going to be the end of 2011;
i suddenly feel exhausted-

i'm halfway through my second year in poly;
& im happily in a rxn for 1 year and a day(:

what's changed?

lil' girl here is growing up.
she's exhausted;
excited but weary about her future.

--

it's no use getting angry over her;
she's just biatch.
ask her to eat sh*t.
whatever.
they say.

i give my heart felts to them.
i might be blaming myself for not being good enough;
or de-grading the fact that i'm in no position to lead.

but hey;
fcuk yourelf; she says.
i'm not perfect-
well;
i'm perfect in being imperfect ;p

im volunteering myself to help since you're so lazy .
im helping out cause' you have to time but to touch up your little rotten face to hide all the flaws.
what should i call it? a defect?

no no.im wrong to say that you're not pweeettyy.
you have average features that blend in.
fine;i have to agree.

but fag;
did anyone tell you your prissy attitude is a turn off?
every little wrong thing people do;
you just have to pick on them?
you cant express it out verbally cause you wanna keep your perfect image of a nice girl-next-door.
who would be stupid enough to tick me off face-to-face?

hence,you can only use technology to degrade me?
point me out if im wrong;
but i feel that you're just a foul-mouthed pampered look-a-like aunty.

i admit;
you are untouchable.
im nowhere near to break you.
nowhere near to tear you apart;
nowhere near to pull hair off your head.

like what she said; pour acid down your *down-there*!

but stand on your ground.
im invincible, too.

xox;♥ace
P.S: you win this round; but watch out prissy.
through my eyes;
i finally saw what a fcuked up world it is.

its a new era of judgement.
no, not by god;
but by his wondrous creations,
the human sinners.

---

i've always liked you,
you were sweet, innocent and boyish.
i thought you weren't like the rest,
they form groups and build walls around them,
accepting individuals who help with their misdeeds.

they gossip, back-stabs and expose the victim's dirty laundry.
they call them names like muffin tops and cry-baby;
they ridicule your outfit, your size, your personality, your looks, you friends and even the slightest mistake you've made, you're pinned down to the ground eternally.

no, these things will pass.
as so they said.

but have you thought that this humiliation will stay with the ridiculed for the rest of their lives?
how they have to bear the burden of shame and insecurity?
the fear of being singled out to be criticized?

yes,i don't deny.
i used to like you alot.
initially.
well, till today.

true, you didn't do anything that commits the crime.
i didn't lift one finger or tell a lie;
you say.
but have you ever;
ever wondered.

not speaking up for the ridiculed, the mocked, the outcast;
leaving her behind and joining her fiends;
isn't that mockery enough?
you escape from being judged, ridiculed, mocked and outcasted.

just for a place.
acceptance from the group who built walls.
an unsaid bond is signed,
you are given protection when needed,
from the mockery.

truely, i take off my hat.
all my respect for you has been peeled away.
i am deeply hurt by everyone;
including myself.

but no more.

i am truly sorry for not standing up for you;
compared to the rest;
ive always been the quiet when when its meant to be quiet,
noisy when i need to be noisy,
and smile when i need to smile.

i don't sit on the fence.
i position myself this way.
so what?
i get respect from the outcast, the ridiculed, the mocked.
i get respect from the fiends who build up meaningless friendships.

because they can't touch me.
it's too difficult to do so.
they know what i know and i have nothing to hide.
they know i don't judge the weak or the poor;
nor criticize the rich and famous.

i stayed independent and stayed away from trouble.
i build not a wall but a fence around myself;
i allow myself to get hurt, but with minimum damage.
i protect, but unable to fend for those who need it more than me.

i kept a clean conscious,
i do no harm and neither will others do unto me.
that's how i get my way out.

--
but my dear boys.
you, and you, and you.
yes you.

you can sit on the fence, that's fine.
but if you cant stop the mockery,
please, i meant please, i beg of you.

help them.
help the weak who are bullied,
speak up and look at both sides of the coin.
don't participate in ignorance or mockery.
if you know it's gonna happen;
ask the fiends, why isn't she invited?

isn't she your friend?
if she's not,
fine.
she's mine.

so suck on it.

xox;♥ace