i feel so fragile.

crying doesn't help, grace.


i secretly wish somebody would think about me, put in actual effort and secretly make me a cake to show that they care, that they'll always be here for me & that my presence mean heaps in their lives.

how can one feel so insignificant at times?

i know i have people around me that'll care.
but if you want friends- you'll have to work hard for it.

if you want to maintain friendship,
you need to be there.
once you slack off, you may drift apart.

sometimes, just sometimes,
i wonder if it's all worth it.

if i were to stop caring-
if i were to stop trying so hard...
will they notice; and ask me what's wrong?

i'm so tried.

everyone is so caught up with their lives.
do anyone actually stop & turn back?

if i didn't ask for it,
would anyone know?

all i wish for is some love, care, attention & some appreciation for the things i do.

is that too much to ask for?

xox, forever & always here; grace.
I'm lying alone with my head on the phone
Thinking of you till it hurts
I know you hurt too but what else can we do
Tormented and torn apart
I wish I could carry your smile and my heart
For times when my life feels so low
It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring
When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know

I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong

I want you to come back and carry me home
Away from this long lonely nights
I'm reaching for you, are you feeling it too
Does the feeling seem oh so right
And what would you say if I called on you now
And said that I can't hold on
There's no easy way, it gets harder each day
Please love me or I'll be gone, I'll be gone

Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?
Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?

Jeg kan ikke, jeg beklager.

xox;♥ace
out of the blue

he said he misses me.
.
.
.

i'm overwhelmed.

xox;♥ace
dear blogger,

i just found out that he removed his facebook account.
either that, or he completely blocked me.

i don't know how i should be feeling right now.
sad?
i don't get to check how he is anymore.

it feels like he's completely cut me off.

that's a good thing right?
it means he's finally moving on.
away from me

i should be happy for him right?

it feels weird.
i've always wanted him to move on and be happy-
so that i too, can, move on without seeing him still down in the dumps.
i still do care about him you know

but then to do so,
my presence needs to disappear.

.
.
.

ouch. that's a little painful.

i don't think i'm sad because of my eventual insignificance to him.
i'm sad cause..
well, just half a year ago;

he's everything to me.
he's like my second half; my comfort, my joy, my forever and my best friend.
he's my universe & without a doubt, my significant other.

& now,
it seems like we're nothing-
not even friends.

do you see the massive contrast?

so; dear blogger:
how should i feel?
what should i do?

should i confront him about it? or let it pass?
should i stop caring?

is his life completely none of my business anymore & i'm just being a nuisance for butt-ing in too much?

or am i the one who finds it hard to move on?

xox;♥ace
it has been awhile since i felt happy.
& i did, today.

even though i woke up late (10am)
i had a wonderful home-made macdonald breakfast with muffins,eggs,ham and pancakes.

at 11am, we rode to the nearby field for a games event.
carrying eggs on spoons, transferring water with a sponge and all that.
it was over by 2.30pm.

my team didn't win-it was a waste(we were in 4th place).
but i still felt glad.

the rest of the time spent was rather unproductive.
i made banana muffins, had a shower,a nap and ate.

its late now and i haven't done any studying.

but i feel great-
like a mildly satisfactory sensation of contentment.
whatever that means(:

it hard to describe.
it's like i have no responsibilities,
i don't have to care so much,
i don't have to worry.

it's like a huge load had been carried off my shoulders

i don't have to think about him no more,
i don't have to keep asking about his day,
or care so much about how he feels.

i don't have to plan for anniversaries,
or try to maintain my job of being a caring partner.
my heart is healing and soon, i can have it back whole.

and i don't have to give him my everything anymore.

i'm getting myself back.
i can finally be myself, unrestrained.

i am free; & life goes on.

xox;♥ace




i decided i will not run anymore.

what done has been done & although i really regretted it,
i need to accept reality & move on,
no matter how much it hurts.



i just happened to see his post.
i pray that he'll never remove his blog or change his URL.
i realize how much i still care about him
& that i still so very much want to know how he's coping.

i can never rest until he moves on fully,
away from me.

life's too short to be unhappy,
said i.
then i'll just pretend to be happy,
said he.

he said he stopped believing.
he said he might never be able to love a girl as much again;
& it's my fault for screwing it up for the next girl who'll walk into his life.

i loved you so much.
why are you doing this to yourself?
please, don't do this to yourself.
you deserve so much, so much more.
why can't you see it?

you're a huge chapter in my life,
& so am i in yours.
please; i'm on my knees.
i beg of you;
continue your story;
believe, have faith & let go.

you deserve so much more.

i cried again.

xox;♥ace