it only took that little for my heart to crumble.
that made me spiteful towards the rest.

i want to cry.
i deserved so much better than this.

i think i've done enough.
i don't wanna care anymore.

but why must you affect me so.

.
.
.

i'm fierce. so what?
just because i'm always so nice & do things for you, doesn't mean you can take advantage of me. if you want something from me, get off your ass & ask for it yourself. right now, i have no mood to smile & be that girl who voluntarily & go an extra mile to deliver things to you.
i have enough on my sleeve. you think i may be exaggerating- but NO. it's only been half a year, i still can't let go of my memories with him; i'm still struggling to forgive myself, i'm trying not to hate myself for being so stupid to actually give myself away; i'm trying to pretend not to care when i see that bastard's face everyday. i have to struggle through my academics-worry what i can actually go after i graduate. i'm actually trying to be myself- yes, struggle to just BE myself with my friends. i mean- who would like to see an unhappy girl who does'nt smile?i'm also starting to miss being in love so much; to rely on somebody i'd trust totally & know that i'm not making use of him.
where's the restart button when i needed one? i finally understand what it means to regret. please. if you know you're gonna do something you'll regret- please please please please..don't do it.
it's gonna take so damn long for you to recover and truly said that you're fine.
my thoughts are so fucking incoherent right now. can somebody just- give me a bear hug and say 'thank you? for all the things you did. you tried your best-nobody saw it, but i know how much you struggled. don't worry, i'll be with you, everything will come true, everything will be fine eventually.'
fuck this. i'm just using my bad mood as an excuse to take it on others.
displacement.

just a little more..i'll start crying again. please. don't be an ungrateful bastard & mean it when you say thank you. i've had enough of people who doesn't appreciate what i do for them. i tried too much & too hard. my burn-outs involve buckets of tears, emptiness & numbness. please. i know love is never ending, forever plentiful- but am i greedy & calculative for wanting some back?