just to answer my own thoughts,
yes, i've been a fool.

but that's ok.
you win some, you lose some.

one of my best guy friend just admitted that he would have asked me out then.
(he has a talented girlfriend now).

but i 'kind of' shot him down saying he's too skinny.
that was hilarious.

well, i was being 'brutally' honest as a friend.
i don't want to lie to my dear friend do i?

yes yes. you may think i'm too picky, there are a lot of nice guys around me.
but i just admitted i'm too picky.

1) i can't stand skinny guys. when i'm already issues with maintaining my size (yes i do complain that i 'gained weight' around my tummy when sometimes i don't just because i ate too much that day or 'feel fat' or just saying it just because i want to remind myself to not overeat. funny how i still like to secretly munch and chew on gummies and Tim Tams when no one is looking and crave for sushimi buffet and feel guilty after stuffing myself.) on a side note, i DO enjoy eating. i'm totally fine dating a 'big' guy. not fat guys. 'big' and preferably. -ahem, 'lean' guys. abs are a plus point.

2) stereotypical, but i would prefer dating guys who have a similar educational standing or higher than me. some of you may say, oh, smart/intelligent guys. yesss..something like that..but also something not like that...screw the educational thing. i want somebody who can think. who is able to have meaningful conversations with me and argue about ideas. i won't say i'm a smart girl. ha. Asians. i have absolutely no interest in politics, current economy, elections, advocacy, whatever. like seriously. someone asked me what are my views on advocacy once and i'm like. what the hell is advocacy. fml. truth to be told, i'm one of those ignorant law-abiding citizen who chooses what's best for me and everyone. that's it. i just pray that the government knows what they are doing and i'll go- ya, okay, ehhmm....off-topic, i just want to be with someone who knows what he's doing (capable), knows what is best for me and himself. i'm that dependent you see...plus, i find overly intelligent guys intimidating. they know too much, i know too little- i can't have a normal conversation with them when they find studying too easy and talk what's going around the world. i don't even read the newspaper.i feel that they'll look down on me. i'm slow of study and disinterested in change. i live in a world of fantasy where everything is nice and refuse to see the ugly side of life. sheesh. i should just dig myself a hole and stay inside. sorry. i don't know what advocacy is.

3) i will skip the part on looks and social economical status. oh wait. i shall not. GUYS. guys. tsk. they only have eyes for pretty girls. and only time tells them that what's inside is important. and the other not-so-pretty girls have to open our arms and welcome guys who originally went for looks. okok. same thing for some girls who only go for looks. but heyyyy..i'll be brutally honest again, my ex-boyfriend is not hot. he's average but he's cute to me in many different ways you won't understand. beauty is in the eye of the beholder. and the part about money. i can give you a lengthy answer on how i'm fine with 'poor' guys. but skip that. for once, let me date a rich man's son. i will, by my own hands, make him humble and thrifty myself and i can use the extra cash to do something else meaningful. i can say for myself i came from a well-to-do family. but i have zero interest in branded handbags and shoes. more than half my clothes are passed down or bought at a flea.

4) i think i have split personality. bear with me. i say i'm introvert but many do not believe so. i only speak when i have to, so that some people will not think i'm arrogant. i speak because i don't to be lonely and left out. i speak because i have to live in this world where social support plays a great role in my survival. i do not do well in big crowds but i grab attention with those short shorts or skirts i wear. i can't seem to talk to attractive males/females because they are too intimidating and that it'll burst my ego if i stand next to them-i simply do not have the nerve to bite off what i can chew. i want someone i can show off, but then, i'm too shy to speak to them. so i make excuses that i prefer guys who are more 'confident' and 'gentleman' and more 'traditional' in a way that they always have to make the first move first, so that i will not hurt my own ego.

5)this thing is too long and i have to pause my controversial thoughts for now to act in a play in Macbeth.